Райский отель Biazi: Бразилия ждет вас!
Райский отель Biazi: Бразилия Ждет Тебя! - Ну что, Поехали? (A Messy, Honest Review)
Alright, товарищи! Let's talk Райский отель Biazi. Бразилия ждет тебя! (Paradise Hotel Biazi. Brazil Awaits You!) I've just clawed my way back from a stay there, and you know what? My suitcase is still unpacked, and my soul… well, it's still processing the caipirinhas. So, here we go. Prepare for the unfiltered, messy truth. My honest take, complete with rambles, imperfections, and the occasional burst of pure, unadulterated Russian emotion.
First, the Basics… and the Dreaded Accessibility
Okay, let’s get the "important" stuff out of the way first. Accessibility. This is important, seriously! While I personally don't need the wheelie shoes, I did see some areas which… well, need some work. There's some mention of Facilities for disabled guests, and they DO have an Elevator. But, I'd really, REALLY recommend calling beforehand and being super specific about your needs. Confirm the level of Wheelchair accessible options specifically, including the Internet access and Wi-Fi in public areas, and even the car park [free of charge] access, because Brazil, my friends, is not always the most… ahem… smooth surface for such things. So, call ahead. Better safe than frustrated!
The Internet, the Lifeline, the Curse
Internet access, got that. Wi-Fi in all rooms!, thank the heavens. Internet [LAN], I think it's there, maybe. Honestly, I focused on the Wi-Fi in public areas, because, let's face it, that's where the people-watching and the gossip is. The Internet services were… well, okay. Not blazing fast, but enough to send those envy-inducing Instagram posts of you sipping that caipirinha. (More on the caipirinhas later…).
Cleanliness and Safety: COVID-19 Edition – Потому что Жизнь Смертельна
Okay, here's where the hotel actually shines (and needs to). Brazil, like everywhere, is still dealing with the pandemic. Anti-viral cleaning products? Check. Daily disinfection in common areas? Seemed to be. Hand sanitizer stations everywhere? Yup. They had Physical distancing of at least 1 meter in place, though, let's be real, Brazilians are naturally touchy-feely, so… it's a work in progress. Sanitized kitchen and tableware items? Good, because I'm paranoid. Room sanitization opt-out available? Good, but I assume, if you need it, they will do it. Safe dining setup? Also a check mark.
They also made me feel like it. And the fact that they got a Hygiene certification made this even better for me.
Food, Glorious Food (and Drinks!) - Еда, Выпивка и Закуски
Alright, now we're talking! This is where Biazi really excels, folks. Let's start with the important stuff: Poolside bar? Absolutely. Happy hour? Oh, yes. Multiple times a day, I'm convinced. (I may have lost track of time…). Breakfast [buffet]. Yes, BUT the biggest plus – a truly amazing Buffet in restaurant. A staggering display of tropical fruit, freshly baked bread, and, of course, all the important things I needed. Western breakfast, too, if you want that. But trust me, go for the Asian breakfast and the Asian cuisine in restaurant. Delicious. If you're in a hurry, they offer a Breakfast takeaway service.
I may have become a little bit obsessed with the Poolside bar, because they had some of the best Caipirinhas (the national cocktail of Brazil, if you didn't know!) that I have ever tried. So I was at the Poolside bar and Coffee/tea in restaurant all day. And it had a Coffee shop. So, you'll do all this in a place to make even the most jaded soul smile.
Things to Do, Ways to Relax - Отдохнуть Душой и Телом
Oh, the options! Swimming pool? Multiple. An outdoor swimming pool? Absolutely. A Pool with a view? Yes, absolutely with a wonderful Sauna, steamroom, and Spa/sauna. I spent hours relaxing in the spa. Also, a Fitness center, if that's your thing (I'm more of a "lie by the pool with a book" kind of person, myself). They also have Gym/fitness, in case you need this. And don't forget the Massage and the Foot bath! Because, you know, the beach is rough.
The Good Stuff - Details, Details, Details!
The Rooms: My room? It was nice. Really it has the Air conditioning, the Bathroom phone, a Bathtub, a Coffee/tea maker, and the Mini bar. I especially loved the Slippers! And the Free bottled water. It was all very comfortable. The Desk and Laptop workspace were nice to have when I was forced to work (because, you know, life).
But the really good thing? The Balcony. I could sit there and enjoy the view and, more importantly, watch the world go by. The Seating area was great too, for, you know, people watching!
Services & Conveniences - Удобства и Услуги
This is where Biazi really shines. The Concierge was super helpful, arranging tours and giving me tips. The Daily housekeeping kept everything spotless. There's Laundry service and Dry cleaning, and Cash withdrawal. The Gift/souvenir shop is perfect for last-minute presents. And the Room service [24-hour] is a lifesaver. Because, you know, caipirinhas.
For the Kids - Для Детей
Okay, I don't have kids, but the hotel seemed pretty Family/child friendly. They have Babysitting service (thank goodness for all the parents), and Kids meal too. There are also Kids facilities available.
Getting Around - Как Добраться
They offer Airport transfer, making coming and going a breeze. There is a Car park [free of charge]. Plus they have Valet parking!
The Little Quirks and Honest Imperfections - Мелочи и Несовершенства
Okay, so, a few things to flag. Some of the décor is a bit… dated. Think 90s tropical vibes. (Not necessarily a bad thing, mind you. It has a certain charm…). And the Wi-Fi, as mentioned, isn't lightning fast. There was also a slight mix-up with my room service order one night, but it was quickly corrected, and the pasta? Delicious!
My Emotional Reaction (or, Why I'm Writing This)
Honestly? I loved it. I really did. The staff were incredibly friendly, the food was amazing, and the location was perfect. And, yeah, I might have spent a little too much time by that poolside bar. But hey, that's Brazil, right? It's about embracing the imperfections and soaking up the sunshine. It felt like a real escape. And trust me, we all need that, especially after the last few years, right?
My Final Verdict and Call to Action - Мой Вердикт и Призыв к Действию
Райский отель Biazi: Бразилия ждет тебя! is a fantastic choice. It's not perfect, but that's part of its charm. It's a place where you can truly relax, unwind, and experience the magic of Brazil.
So, here's the deal: Book now! You deserve this. You need this. Get yourself to Brazil, get yourself to Райский отель Biazi, and treat yourself to a caipirinha (or three). You won't regret it. I promise.
Shangri-La: Тайна Запретного Города в Дукэдзунге? (Rezen Select Hotel ждет!)
Alright, друзья мои! Let's get this Brazilian fiesta planned, shall we? Going to the Biazi Paradise Hotel… sounds promising, but let's be honest, hotels that promise paradise rarely, rarely, deliver. But, by God, we'll give it a shot! Here's a possible itinerary, peppered with my own (rather opinionated, let me warn you) thoughts:
Biazi Paradise Hotel: A Chaotic Adventure in the Making
(Day 1: Landing and a Dash of Hope… Followed by Mild Panic)
10:00 AM (Brazil Time! Meaning… what time actually is it?): Arrive at Galeão Airport (GIG), Rio de Janeiro. Expect chaos. Expect delays. Expect the immigration officer to look like he's seen a thousand tourists just like you, which, well, he probably has. Pro-Tip: Learn a few basic Portuguese phrases. "Onde está o banheiro?" (Where is the bathroom?) is a lifesaver. You will need it. Trust me. Stumbling around looking for a toilet while jetlagged and sweating is a glorious start to any holiday, yes?
11:30 AM: Find the pre-booked taxi/transfer. Pray it's not a rusty jalopy driven by a man who thinks Formula 1 is a suggestion, not an actual sport. The drive to the Biazi Paradise Hotel (location unknown at this point) should take approximately… well, who knows. Time is a construct, especially in Rio, darling.
1:00 PM (ish): Check-in at the hotel. Prepare for the reception staff to be either impossibly friendly, or completely checked out. Let's aim for the former, shall we? Hopefully, the room doesn’t actually face the hotel's… let's call it "utility area." If it does, I'm burning those curtains. Kidding! (Maybe.) After several attempts, finally get the bags to the room, and let's see what paradise actually looks like…
- Thoughts upon entering the unknown: Let's be real, hotel rooms are always a toss-up. A faint smell of bleach? Good. Mold? Bad. Pictures of generic beach scenes? Predictable. A working air conditioner? Priceless. If it's a choice between Paradise or a view of broken-down air conditioners, I'm throwing the towel out of the window. In this situation, I might start to question my life choices.
2:00 PM: Lunch & Initial Exploration: Scope out the hotel restaurant. I'm expecting feijoada (Brazilian black bean stew) at least once. And definitely, definitely pão de queijo (cheese bread). If they don't have it, I'm going to stage a non-violent protest. Followed by a quick wander around the hotel grounds. Find the pool. Assess its cleanliness. (Judging pools is an Olympic sport in my book.)
4:00 PM: Beach Bliss (or something like it): Head to the beach! Supposedly, the Biazi Paradise is near one. Pack sunscreen, a hat, and a healthy dose of skepticism. The ocean is unpredictable. The sand is potentially full of things you don't want to step on. But the potential for a perfect afternoon, sun, sand, and the sound of the waves, is there.
- Anecdote: Once, in Thailand… I swear, I thought I'd found paradise too! Waking up with the sun and going to the beach every day, just amazing, until I stepped on something… that was not sand. But still, I would do it all over again!
7:00 PM: Dinner & Initial Impressions: Dinner back at the hotel or a local restaurant. Hopefully, it's delicious. Reflect on the day. What's working? What's utterly, hilariously, going wrong? Write it down in my little notebook. It's like a diary, except with more complaining.
9:00 PM: Drinks (and maybe a little dancing): Find a bar! Order a caipirinha (Brazilian cocktail with cachaça, sugar, and lime) and see where the night takes us. Dancing is optional, but encouraged. Even if you have two left feet, just flail around with enthusiasm. That's the Brazilian way!
(Day 2: The Pool, the People, and the Potential for Disaster)
9:00 AM: Breakfast & Poolside Vigil: Breakfast. Repeat the pool-assessment process. The main goal is to find a good spot and defend it with all my might. (I'm kidding… kinda.)
- Quirky Observation: Observing other people at the pool is a national sport. The tans, the swimwear, the awkward attempts at water aerobics… golden!
10:00 AM - 12:00 PM: Pool Time! Okay, now it's really time to relax.
Doubling Down on a Single Experience: Let's face it, the pool is where it's at. I will dedicate the next two hours to the pool. That's where the real paradise is. I shall start by taking a deep dive in the water, a true baptism. After I'm done with that, I'll take some time to actually stay in it and float. I will be one with the pool. After a while, I might even try and do some swimming, maybe even without falling. I should, of course, always look that the water isn't too deep. That's what I'd do in Paradise.
12:00 PM: Lunch & Local Exploration (If We're Feeling Brave): Lunch. Now, the real challenge begins. Time to wander into the local town, if there is one. This calls for a full risk assessment. How safe is it? Good food choices? Is there a market? Do I have enough cash? Am I fluent in "pointing and smiling?" (That usually works, right?)
3:00 PM: The Afternoon of Regret (Maybe?): Back to the hotel? Or explore something new? Maybe a hike? Or a walk? It depends on our mood. We'll see. Letting it get even more stream-of-consciousness: What if it rains? What if it's too hot? What if I completely embarrass myself linguistically trying to order a coffee? What if my shoes break down? Oh my God, what if I run out of sunscreen? The possibilities are endless… and mostly terrifying.
6:00 PM: Dinner & People Watching: Dinner out, or at the hotel? The best part of foreign travel is immersing yourself in new and exciting cultures. I'm expecting to see lots of people!
8:00 PM: Sunset Serenade (If Applicable): If we're lucky, there'll be a beautiful sunset. Find a good spot. Say aah. If not, find a good bar instead.
(Day 3 & Beyond… The Unknown!):
The rest of the trip is a mystery! It's the beauty of travel, isn't it? Who knows what delights (or disasters) await? We'll adapt, we'll eat, we'll drink, we'll probably get lost. And we'll have stories to tell, I guarantee it.
Before Leaving:
Buy souvenirs. (Even if they're tacky. They're for those back home!)
Leave a generous tip. (Good service deserves it.)
Most importantly… Remember to embrace the chaos. That's where the real fun begins.
So, let's go to Brazil! Bring on the adventure! Идём! (Idiom! – Let's go!) Wish me luck, friends! I have a feeling I'm going to need it.
Немецкий Рай: Gasthof Alte Post — Забудьте всё, что вы знали об отдыхе!
Ну что, "Райский отель Biazi: Бразилия ждет вас!" – стоит ли игра свеч, короче говоря?
Ох, ну это как спросить, стоит ли есть шоколад, когда ты на диете! Вроде и знаешь, что нельзя, но как же хочется! Короче, "стоит" – если ты вообще хоть что-то ждешь от отдыха, кроме идеального сервиса "пять звезд". Готовы к приключениям? К бразильскому колориту, который иногда бьет прямо в нос? К неожиданным знакомствам и, возможно, даже к разбитому сердцу? Тогда да, стоит!
Я вот ехала с ожиданиями "вау, райский отель!", представляла себе, знаете, эти картинки в Instagram – белый песок, коктейли, солнце... А получила... Ну, расскажу.
Что там с этим "бразильским колоритом"? Не перебор ли?
Перебор? Да это мягко сказано! Это как будто тебя окунают с головой в карнавал, причем в самый разгар! Я, конечно, ожидала, что будет весело, но не думала, что будет настолько... Энергично! Люди там – огонь! Танцуют, смеются, болтают на смеси английского, португальского и жестов. Иногда вообще не понимаешь, что происходит, но как-то весело.
Вот помню, пыталась заказать кофе. Стою, значит, на баре, тыкаю пальцем в картинку, пытаюсь изобразить, что хочу этот "cappuccino". А бармен смотрит на меня, хлопает глазами, потом как засмеется! Оказалось, это не капучино, а что-то другое, дико сладкое, с кучей пены и карамели. Но вкусно, черт побери! И вот это – весь Biazi. Непредсказуемо, немного хаотично, но драйвово!
Пляж там красивый? Песок белый?
Пляж… Ну, не скажу, что прямо "вау-вау-вау", как на картинках. Песок, конечно, белый, да. Но вот, знаете, бывает, что на пляже народу, как селедки в бочке. Тут примерно так же. Все, кто там живет, все отдыхающие, все местные – все на пляже. Но это, знаете, не минус. Это часть атмосферы.
А еще, прямо на пляже, продают всякую ерунду. Я купила себе шляпу, самую китчевую, какую только можно представить. В итоге, потом полдня ее носила, и все вокруг смеялись. Так что, если любите покой и уединение – не ваш вариант. А если хотите окунуться в "движуху" – милости просим!
Еда? Ммм, бразильская кухня… Вкусно? Опасно?
Еда… Вот тут отдельная песня, честно говоря. Вкусно – да, безусловно! Опасно – ну, смотря что понимать под "опасностью". Я, например, умудрилась отравиться фруктами. Ну, не знаю, как они там их моют... Но это, скорее, моя вина, чем отеля.
Зато мясо! Боже, какое мясо! И эти "фритос", жареная рыба... Сумасшедше вкусно! Главное, не наедаться до отвала в первый же день, как я, иначе рискуете вылететь из отпуска на больничном. А, да! Осторожно с местными соусами – они бывают, знаете, очень "острыми". Я вот слезу пустила, когда попробовала один...
А еще что там было такого, что прям запомнилось?
О да! Было, было! Знакомства! Люди там, как я уже сказала, – отдельный аттракцион. Я познакомилась с парой из Германии, которые приехали на месяц, чтобы "перезагрузиться". Потом – с местным серфером, который, как выяснилось, совсем не говорит по-английски (но мы как-то общались!). И, конечно, самая яркая встреча – с бразильянкой, которая работала в отеле. Она научила меня танцевать самбу...
А еще... Ох, было дело… Один вечер, мы сидели на пляже, пили кайпиринью (вкуснятина!), слушали музыку… И тут, откуда ни возьмись, появился огромный краб! Прямо перед нами! Мы все сначала испугались, а потом смеялись до слез. Это было так… Бразильски!
Стоит ли туда ехать с детьми?
С детьми… Сложный вопрос. С одной стороны, там есть детский клуб, всякие развлечения. С другой – обстановка там, знаете, такая… Для взрослых. Шумно, много людей, постоянные тусовки. Не уверена, что это идеальный вариант для маленьких детей. Хотя, конечно, все зависит от ребенка.
Я бы посоветовала ехать туда, если ваши дети – подростки, которые любят тусовки и не боятся шума. Или если вы готовы к тому, что вам придется постоянно за ними следить. В общем, подумайте хорошенько!
Итог: Ехать или не ехать?
Ехать! Однозначно ехать! Если вы ищете не идеальный сервис, а настоящие эмоции. Если хотите окунуться в другую культуру, научиться танцевать самбу, попробовать "кайпиринью" и, возможно, даже влюбиться (хотя это не точно!). Если не боитесь хаоса, смеха и неожиданностей. Конечно, там есть недостатки, да, где-то сервис хромает, где-то пляж переполнен. Но плюсы перевешивают все!
Я вернулась оттуда другим человеком. Пусть немного уставшим, немного загоревшим, но точно – с кучей воспоминаний и новых друзей. Так что, пакуйте чемоданы! Бразилия ждет вас!
